When my daughter was 6 months old, we began planning for our second child. Because of how long it took to get pregnant before, we thought we should start early just in case. Turns out that the rumors are true- you are much more fertile the second time around- it only took 3 months to fall pregnant with baby #2!
I found out I was pregnant 5 days before we moved into our first house, we were so glad we chose to buy the 3 bedroom instead of the 2 bedroom! As James skipped out of town on business, I, once again, was left to move all of our stuff while pregnant. (I am not a fan of this trend and will have make sure to break it when baby #3 is on board).
They say no pregnancy is ever the same- not between you and your friends and not even between your first and your second. I found this to be true. My pregnancy with Lily was pretty easy physically but hard emotionally. This time proved the opposite.
Everything seemed to happen much sooner this time around, the fatigue, the sickness, various pains and even the baby bump! Although I entered into this pregnancy with much greater confidence than my last one, I still became petrified before each dr appointment. Will they find the heartbeat? Is the baby growing?
A truly miraculous thing occurs when you are busy chasing around a 1 year old, time passes by quickly.
Before I knew it, I was out of the first trimester and speeding head long into the second. When I first became pregnant, the burning question from every one was if we would do the testing for chromosomal disorders. As you remember, we didn’t with Lily. Since Lily has Down syndrome, our risk for having another child with DS automatically goes up to 1/100.
This doesn’t make a lot of sense to me though. The type of Down syndrome that Lily has, is not hereditary. So why then are my odds automatically increased? Regardless, we chose to decline testing this time around too.
Our 20 week ultrasound was a huge marker for us. This is the day we not only find out the gender of our baby but if there is anything noticeably wrong. This was the ultrasound that changed our lives forever just a little over a year ago. And I had to brave it alone.
The first thing I did was inform the ultrasound tech that I have a daughter with DS and we had so many troublesome ultrasounds with her, that I am a PRO at reading the face of the tech. So please be upfront and honest with me, if you see anything wrong. She must have liked my candidness because she had no problem with what I said and was very explanatory during the entire ultrasound.
Including the part where she said, “Hmmmm hang on a minute.” and “He has a shadow at the base of his spine.”
You have to be kidding me. Whaaat??
I was then referred for a high definition ultrasound. Before I left my ultrasound, I spoke with my dr. he reassured me that he didn’t believe it was anything but wanted to be sure. Although I was inclined to believe him, I still traveled home with a heavy heart.
I revisited some similar thoughts I had from a year ago- only this time it was different. This time I knew that things were not always as they appeared and that through the fear of the unknown lies an incredible blessing.
That evening was not a depressing one, quite the opposite! I had the tech put the gender of our baby in an envelope so that James and I could learn about him/her together. So at dinner, we gave the envelope to Lily, to open.
The anticipation was mounting as Lily tore open the envelope. Did we want a girl or a boy? A brother or a sister? I thought at first another little girl would be better because sisters close in age could be close and fun. I also thought that having a boy would be so exciting.
As the little piece of paper appeared from inside the envelope, James smiled big and said “BOY!”.
My heart soared with excitement. I was going to have a son! A little boy to fit in so perfectly with our daughter. It was at this moment I began to really bond with the little soul growing inside me. He had an identity. He was my baby boy!
The next week brought the high definition ultrasound. This time I was joined by James and Lily. James and I shared an all too familiar look of love, fear and faith as I laid on the table.
And suddenly there he was, my son. He waved and looked at us, his picture crystal clear. Despite the anticipation, my heart filled with love and warmth. Even Lily smiled at the monitor!
The ultrasound tech spoke easily with us and as she referenced his spine, she said “I see nothing abnormal.” Since the picture was so clear, neither did I. Flooded with relief and gratitude, I finally felt enjoyment receiving an ultrasound.
At 27 weeks, I was wheeled to labor and delivery to get checked out as I was having contractions. I was nervous because I didn’t know I was in labor with Lily and her heart rate was plummeting with each contraction. Would it be the same with my son? Is he okay? I could feel him moving. After being hooked up to the monitors, they validated that I was in fact, having regular contractions but I was not in labor. More importantly, my son was just fine! I got to home just a couple hours later.
The rest of the pregnancy became filled with strong kicking, lots of weight gain 😦 and massive hip pain! Once I hit 36 weeks, I celebrated. I had now made it farther than i did with Lily! I may actually make it to full term!
I began to get excited as I assumed I would go into labor any day now. I didn’t believe I could carry to term even though I wanted too. Soon my excitement faded as I entered into my 38th week. Now I began to understand why so many of my mommy friends would exclaim that they were done being pregnant!
Just when I thought my belly couldn’t stretch any farther and my hips couldn’t handle the pain any longer, I woke up in labor.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013 I woke up a mother of one and a family of three and went to bed a mother of two and a family of four.
Labor still eludes me a little bit- my contractions are so different than what I thought they would be and I have learned twice now to follow my gut on whether or not I am in labor. I simply felt sick and crampy. I had my grandmother come over to help with Lily and James left work early to take me to the hospital.
I was scheduled to have a repeat c-section on Friday, July 5. I figured I was probably only in early labor and they would send me home to wait til Friday. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, and here is yet another example: No one showed any record of my scheduled c-section. Somehow, although planned back in April, it never made it to their books. Let me just say here, that I found it very strange to “plan” my child’s birthday. This is something one is asked to do when having a schedued cesearan, I learned. After waiting a couple of hours for my dr, he appeared and said that since I am in labor, would I like to go ahead and have this baby tonight?
Um….yeah! Although I was only 39 weeks on the dot, I was so over being pregnant. Since my son was doing fine and not in any distress, everything moved at a much calmer pace than with my daughter. I chose 6pm as a good time to deliver. This gave me a little over an hour to mentally and emotionally prepare to meet my little boy. Or so I thought….since Lily was an emergency, I didn’t notice all the prep work that was neededbefore surgery. I was moved to my room where the anastethiologist came and hung out with me. She was very sweet and comforting. My nurses came and went, placing my IVs, bringing in the baby’s stuff, shaving me (soooo uncomfortable and awkward!) and even bringing me a charger for my phone! Then it was time to go to the OR. But wait a minute, I hadn’t had time to prepare!
I thought that I wouldn’t have any anxiety this time around. After all I had been through this before and this time was so much calmer and relaxed. But surgery is surgery and I soon found myself shaking and wanting to run away. I told the anastsiologist that I was starting to panic. She handled my anxiety so well. After she administered my spinal and laid me down, I finally got to see the one face that would hold me together, James. And it was his face and the touch of his hand that prevented another anxiety attack when my blood pressure dropped and the meds made it difficult to breathe for a minute.
After a small eternity, the surgeon told the nurses to lower my drape and told me to peer over. I had every intention of looking at myself cut open (the biologist in me couldn’t resist the opportunity) but my thought was interupted by an abrupt cry. As I gazed over my drape, I laid eyes on my son. I am incapable of depicting my feelings in that moment. They were so much beyond joy and love. He was huge! And he had lots of brown hair! I wanted to reach out and grab him and hold him close. It was like seeing a piece of my heart manifested outside my body and wow! I mean wow!!
Very shortly afterward, James brought him over to me and I got to touch him and kiss him. Since there was no rush to hurry him off, I soaked up the moment. Then James took him out the door to wait for me while I was being put back together. Finally after what felt like forever, I was wheeled into my room where my husband and son were waiting for me. I immediately put him to my breast and he nursed like a champ!
He was here. He made it. He was healthy and beautiful and he was mine!
Beautifully written as always!
Thank you so much!
awwwwwwwwwwwww beautiful ❤