If only that were true.
I have always been a sensitive person- I try to be empathetic to others, am careful how I speak to people and treat others with respect. That was how I was raised. I think because of this, I have never been terribly offended by others because I can find empathy for their ignorance. When I first met Lily some of that changed.
First of all, becoming a mother made me more sensitive but less tolerating. More patient but less accommodating. More appreciative of life but less comfortable. Becoming Lily’s mother has made me more vocal, social and somewhat confrontational.
I am many things but one of the more important things I am is an ADVOCATE.
A majority of people with Down syndrome are classified as mentally retarded. Meaning their IQ is under 70 and they will need help navigating life. The word retarded may bring up several different images in your mind. When I first learned Lily will most likely be retarded, I thought of someone with a distant gaze, their mouth hung open and drooling. I have since learned that retarded can mean many things from my image to someone who needs a tutor in school to someone who just doesn’t have the ability for abstract thought.
I have also learned what retarded is not.
Retarded is NOT – someone behaving badly/ someone being silly/ someone making a poor choice/ etc.
Not many things offend me, but I am a mother to a little girl who will be retarded in some form. Can you imagine how I must feel knowing that?! How difficult it is to see her learning her colors and animals and in the back of my mind there is this dark cloud of knowledge that she will struggle with learning? How painful not knowing how this will affect her in life? Now imagine hearing people use the word retarded to refer to something foul, horrible, or annoying.
There have been a few words that we as a society have erradicted from our language and I am ready to see the casual, off-handed use of this one gone for good.
Understand that I know ‘what you mean’ and I know ‘you weren’t talking about Lily’ and I even know ‘that its just a word’ and ‘not personal’. But you should know that I am an ADVOCATE. Every time people misuse that word it creates a bias against my daughter. Most people will do anything to protect their children and I am no different.
The way you speak carries more weight than you realize and leaves a lasting impression on society as a whole. Speak well – Lily is watching.