I Am….

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We are engagingly looking at a statue when I see her staring hard at my daughter. I look back at her and she quickly looks away.

He stares at me while I politely decline to sign the waiver for my daughter’s photograph to be used in an online publication. Other parents tilt their heads my direction.

They smile with sympathetic eyes while I am enjoying playing with my daughter.

I am crying while I am driving because the music on the radio will disguise the sound so my children don’t hear and get upset. I am not sure if I am sad, stressed, tired or frustrated but the tears don’t discriminate.

I am screaming for joy as I sweat through my shirt, walking in the sun for 20 minutes in a crouched position holding my daughters hands because she suddenly wants to practice walking.

I am on my knees begging God for strength and to be a better mother.

I am allowing myself to be vulnerable to complete strangers to hopefully gain a little insight as to how to better help my daughter.

I am constantly thinking, reading, analyzing and observing every thing. No task is mundane, all must be thoughtful.

I am on a first name basis with and can tell you all the good doctors in various specialities in town.

I am daringly hopeful when I hear the latest research discovery that may help my daughter.

I am awake in bed thanking God that He allows me to be this little girl’s mother, even though I may feel like I am not good enough.

I am a mother to a special needs child.

God didn’t make me more special or stronger than you and He definitely did not give me super powers. But He did give me a daughter and now a son that I will do anything for.

2013 Aug 1st (73)

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December Leftovers Dedication

I started blogging because candy crush got too hard.

Just kidding. I have dabbled with writing for years. I have even been published a couple of times and won poetry contests. But I didn’t really begin to feel inspired until I met an amazing group of women.

I joined an app when I became pregnant with Lily. This app tracked my pregnancy, gave me helpful, and sometimes silly advice, and connected me with other women all due in December from all over the world.

My daughter was born in December 2011 and I am still connected to these amazing women. Some of us have gotten married, gotten divorced, had another child, graduated school and even started their own business. But all of us have remained a strong support network for one another.

There are not many safe zones in life where you can vent honestly and vulnerably to another person but I have one. I am one of the lucky ones. This group of women is unlike any other group I have ever experienced. They are able to respectfully disagree, offer you a wider perspective, help you think clearly about important desicions, and guide you to be a better you. There is no ”mob mentality’ here. They do not tell  you just what you want to hear but what you need to hear. We are a diverse group and therin lies diverse opinions on parenting and relationships- but it’s okay. It’s okay because none of us think we are superior to any one else therefore we are free to debate ideas without judgement, without creating an unpleasant environment. How beautiful is that?

These women pooled their resources and saved my family from despair last Christmas and have since done the same for other individuals in need. Many of us have not had the chance to meet in person but several of us phone, text and skype one another. Our children know each other as ‘cousins’. For those out of the loop, it may appear as a crazy delusion that a hundred plus women scattered all over the world can be closer to one another than some family members…but it is true.

I owe this blog in large part due to this astonishing gaggle of girls. Their constant flow of support and encouragement has given me the incentive to make my writings and ramblings public. Thank you fellow mommies, women and friends for you all as individuals and as a group have touched my heart and imprinted my family in ways I cannot explain. I must admit I am having a ball sharing my world in writing. The journey of my life has always taken me to interesting places and my current adventures in motherhood have yet to disappoint. I love you all and hope to keep you close throughout our shared travels in motherhood, womanhood and friendship.

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